You never know where you're going to find that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you've been hoping to try some time travel any time soon, you have that chance now thanks to an ad on Craigslist.

Here is the full text of the ad, cause there's no way I could make up anything this good. My favorite parts are highlighted in bold. Feel free to highlight your own.

  • I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.

    Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6'3" and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That's not due to the dimensions to the machine, it's just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.

    The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you'll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:

    1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
    2. You are forbidden from interfering in matter that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
    3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it's been signed, thereby negating this waiver you're about to sign. I built a time machine, I'm no moron.

    As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn't yet returned, but that's just because animals don't know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.

    Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can't take a chance of sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you'll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it's just a personal thing.

    If you would like to participate, send an email. Thanks.

Couple of things to note from this ad. First, you must be a guy cause this guy has issues. Second, be sure to help him find the dog he successfully sent back in time yesterday. Not sure if he's providing the leash, so good luck with that. Oh, and don't even think about it if you're a druggie who just wants to go back in time to tear up the waiver.

If you contact this guy, please let us know. We will want to see the pictures.