The government might have a shutdown Today.  You know what happened because of the last shutdown, in 1995?  The MONICA LEWINSKY scandal.  Really.  Because of the shutdown, she couldn’t get a government job and extended her White House internship.  The day after the shutdown, she and PRESIDENT CLINTON had their first meeting and hook-up.  Not saying that will happen…but its possible.

If there’s a government shutdown on Friday, here are some of the major ways it could affect you.  Your tax refund could be delayed . . . police might be forced to do less work on non-violent crimes . . . the National Parks will all close immediately . . . and NASA will have to stop fighting aliens.  Or stop planning space missions.  Depending on who you believe about what NASA REALLY does.

Basically, that means the government stops providing services that aren’t “essential” until they can reach a new budget deal.  But enough about that.  What you’re REALLY wondering is, “How will this affect ME?”  Here are six ways it could impact your life, based on what happened during the last shutdown in 1995.

#1.) Your tax refund could be delayed, especially if you apply by mailing in a return and not using e-file.  Also, the IRS would probably have to stop answering their hotline, so if you want to ask them tax questions next week you’re screwed.

#2.) A long delay for newly-eligible people applying to Medicare.

#3.) While the police are considered an ESSENTIAL service, some parts of the police process were cut down in 1995 . . . including case processing, testing, recruitment, hiring, and even work on some non-violent crime cases.

#4.) The National Parks will close immediately, as will museums that rely on federal funding.

#5.) Long delays if you need a passport or visa application.

#6.) NASA will have to stop preparing any space missions.

–But there’s another side effect of the last government shutdown, in 1995, that NO ONE expected:  The president cheating on his wife.

–That’s right.  The 1995 government shutdown had a DIRECT connection to the PRESIDENT CLINTONMONICA LEWINSKY scandal.  Here’s the four-step process of how that went down.

#1.) 22-year-old Monica’s internship at the White House was up.  But because the shutdown was coming, she couldn’t get another government job.

#2.) She extended her internship.

#3.) The day after the shutdown began, November 15th, 1995, Monica had a moment alone with Bill and told him she, quote, “had a crush on him.”  He took her into a back study behind the Oval Office and kissed her.

#4.) In the days and weeks that followed, they’d have, quote, “unclothed genital contact . . . kissing, hugging, touching, and [oral], but not intercourse.”

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