Santa Claus

This is in the same category as drunken, angry dad and starving Africans.

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — Christmas may be over but Santa is still making news as he was recently arrested for drunken driving in Post Falls.

If you're not familiar with the Aquabats Super Show, then let me tell you, friends, it was pretty great. It ran for three years on the Hub, following the adventures of the Aquabats, a real-life superhero-themed band known for battling monsters onstage, recast as a group of musical superheroes who traveled the world battling evil with the power of rock 'n' roll and guitars that shoot lightning, featuring guest stars like Weird Al and Tony Hawk, and frequently written and directed by Homestar Runner co-creator Matt Chapman. In other words, it's the perfect television show. Needless to say, the Christmas special was just as amazing as the rest of the series, as the Aquabats journey to a town where Christmas has been outlawed by the Krampus, who took over with plans to hand out a birch-rod beating to anyone who dares to celebrate the holidays.

Q: Merry Ask Chris-tmas! What's the weirdest version of the Santa Claus origin story? -- @prograpslady A: You know, it wasn't that long ago that I wrote about two different version of Santa's origin that were done as stop-motion TV specials from Rankin-Bass, and as much as I love them both, they're not exactly what you'd really expect. I mean, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town is essentially the story of a revolutionary who brings down a corrupt European government through illegal toymaking and is then hunted until he has to relocate to the North Pole, and The Life And Adventures of Santa Claus has him raised on the milk of a lioness and taught about Japanese samurai by a twelve foot tall druid who shot laser beams from a silver axe in a war against child-hating goblins. I guess what I'm getting at here is that even for someone who's spent a lifetime getting used to origin stories with nonsense words like "bitten by a radioactive spider" and "inhaled hard water fumes," Santa's beginnings are pretty weird.

Sorry kids. It appears as if your presents are on back order this year because Santa Claus isn't coming to town in 2012. He's too busy prepping for the upcoming (and supposed) apocalypse, according to last night's episode of 'Conan.'

We love Santa. We really do! He's probably the coolest old guy we know, spending his life making presents, managing elves and eating cookies. Truth be told, we're sort of jealous. The jolly old guy usually looks bright and cheery and not all that scary, which is yet another reason we're fans.

This past Saturday, SantaCon took over New York City. For all of you unfamiliar with this classic American holiday, it's an entire day dedicated to dressing up like Santa Claus and getting a little crazy frolicking around with fellow Saint Nick look-a-likes. It's sort of like a massive Christmas flash mob that makes you feel like you're in a strange alternate universe, but it's actually totally aw

As a role model for kindness and generosity, you can't do much better than Santa. But let's face it -- he's not exactly the picture of health. If the jolly old elf can't bring himself to drop a few pounds, at least he's recently given up smoking.

With Christmas only two weeks away, Santa is a pretty busy guy these days. He has to double check all presents are made, organize final copies of the naughty and nice lists and do some last-minute reindeer grooming so they're in tip-top shape for Christmas. It's a stressful few weeks, but Santa's been doing it for like, hundreds of years, so he has the whole thing down pat.

What's worse than a news anchor blabbing on live TV that Santa isn't real? How about a Texas kindergarten teacher revealing the terrible truth about Saint Nick to her entire class of five-year-olds? Yep, that actually happened.

Even though Santa has an awesome job, it can be super stressful at times. Sure he's a jolly ol' guy who gives out presents for a living, but when Christmas Eve rolls around, things can get really tricky. If you think about it, the guy has to pull off delivering like, millions and millions of presents to people all around the world, so of course Santa needs to relax a bit post-Christmas. You know--

The classic Christmas song goes: You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town. That jolly old elf Santa Claus and his helpers are making their way through the Magic valley. Find out where Santa will be with our handy holiday Magic Valley Santa Tracker.