5 Things I Do That My Wife Hates
I am fortunate to have the world's best wife. I'm not exaggerating even though it would be to my advantage to do so. I try to do things to make her happy except for the times when I don't. This is one of those times.
In a rare moment of self-examination, I realized there are a number of things that I do that really irk her. If I were a better husband, I would try and right these wrongs. Unfortunately, I find most of them very funny and entertaining, so I figured I would share a few of them here.
When I take out the trash, I put her shoes on
Yes, I know my feet are bigger than hers. But, when I remember late Sunday night that I haven't taken the trash out yet, her shoes are normally closer to me than mine are. She hates it because I just mash the backs down since they don't fit me and it stretches them out. Let's try to ignore for a second that late Sunday nights, I'm a guy wearing small purple shoes.
When the Viagra commercial comes on TV, when it gives the disclaimer about having difficulty hearing at the end, I always yell "WHAT?!?".
I think at some point I thought telling the same joke over and over again would make it funnier. It doesn't. She understood what I thought was funny the first time I said it. Now that I've done it at least 20 times, not so much.
On the weekends when we're not leaving the house, I sometimes wear her shirts.
I can't help it. Her shirts are loose and more comfortable. No, I don't wear the prettier shirts with flowers on them (much). But, she tends to get the awesome t-shirts when we go visit tourist places while I shun them. Then, when we get home, I want to wear them. So, sue me.
When I'm home sick, I add my own words to her favorite soap opera, The Young and the Restless.
I hate soap operas. I hate Young and the Restless. I know she loves it and I always tell myself "Self, please shut up and let your wife enjoy her show". I never listen to myself. I especially love changing the lines of bad guy, Victor Newman. I combine my own stupidity with the lines of The Most Interesting Man In The World. It drives her crazy - and not in a good way.
Back when she was in college, I helped her write a paper on Southeast Asian typhoons and tend to bring it up way too often.
My wife is a meteorologist. I am not. The only thing I need to know about the weather is whether it will be cold or hot and/or wet. She keeps track of the jet stream, barometric pressure, how the mountains affect down drafts. Yikes. I helped her with one tiny paper during her last year in college and like to pretend that I'm Jim Cantore on the Weather Channel. Oh, and when we watch the movie "Twister", I like to pretend it's a simulation which makes her crazy.
If you're a guy, feel free to start confessing your sins now to make me feel better. Or, if you're a wife, what does your husband do that drives you nuts? Remember, misery loves company.