Not sure what to get your wife for Christmas?  I'll help you narrow down your choices.  These are the top ten gifts for her for Christmas that you definitely want to steer clear from.  They're scientifically proven to obliterate any hope of a relationship with your best gal.

With all the top 10 Christmas gifts lists floating around out there, consider this a public service from me to you.  Happy holidays.

And now... the top 10 gifts for her that are sure to ruin your marriage:

  • Amazon


    Price: $12

    "Ever since we first met, I've felt we needed more mystery in our marriage.  Now cover those gorgeous phalanges, beautiful."

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    Stamina Trampoline

    Price: Your dignity

    "Dang, girl, you know what would look great next to those oreos in the kitchen?"

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    Howling At the Moon T Shirt

    Price: $22 for the XXXL

    "Now you'll resemble a Wal-Mart shopper all the time!"

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    Ball of Nothing

    Price: Your decency

    "I know how much you love it when I give you balls."

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    Toilet Seat

    Price: $13

    "Well, um..... because the other one I, you know........ when I, you know......"  (Alternatively, depending on one's habits, this gift may also be used to save your marriage)

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    What To Expect When You're Expecting

    Price: $8 for paperback

    "I'm so excited about the... wait, wait, you're NOT?!"

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    Banana Bunker

    Price: Your self-respect

    "Awwwwwwww yeah girl"

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    Nights & Weekends Mug

    Price: $16 plus shipping

    (It's all in the delivery on this one) "See, these are actually really great.  You pour the coffee right into it, and it holds it for you.  The handle on the side makes it super easy to hold and take sips!  You won't burn your hands or anything!  If you ever need a demonstration, it's a lot easier than it looks.  You've probably got it figured out, but let me know and I'd be glad to give you a full walkthrough."

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    Sandwich Making Kit

    Price: $18 and your testicles

    "No, no, it's not what you think, sweetie.  See, this way it lets ME choose the ingredients I want, load it up, and that way it's all in one convenient spot when you're ready to assemble it!"

  • Amazon

    Pet Scale


    "I'm not sure if the one in the bathroom is getting an accurate read.  Love ya."

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