Boehner Kicks Obama In Noids

After a State of the Union address in which President Obama singled out the 40 Republican Senators who voted against the Affordable Care Act, Speaker of the House John Boehner reportedly grew enraged, threatening other members of congress and Natasha Obama.

Obama said in the speech, "Let's not have another 40-something votes to repeal a law that's already helping millions of Americans. ...The first 40 were plenty. ... We all owe it to the American people to say what we're for, not just what we're against."

Boehner was reportedly seen after the speech tending to numerous bite marks on his tongue in the men's lavatory mirror, followed by extreme bouts of simultaneous screaming and crying.  Eyewitnesses say the matter escalated further when Vice President Biden began taunting Boehner, calling him names, and comparing his last name to male anatomy.

Boehner fled the restroom, making his way to the oval office, where he positioned himself strategically behind the curtains.  When Obama entered the room, Boehner screamed several obscenities, began crying, and rushed Obama, delivering a swift kick to the groin.  Secret Service detained Boehner for several minutes before releasing him.

Obama, keeled over on the ground, fired back, catching his breath, "Merely a flesh wound!"

Political analysts are split on how exactly to interpret the ball kick.  MSNBC claims the kick was childish, while Fox News reports the kick simply wasn't hard enough.  Sean Hannity writes, "I applaud your heroism and courage, Speaker, but a real man would have sent him to the hospital."