Top 5 Ways to Deal With Positive People

We see them on our streets. We hear them in our workplaces. We... smell them... in closed spaces on a hot day...

While they may pervade our neighborhoods and cities, there are things you can do to help you cope with smiling, happy people.

Here are the top 10 ways to deal with positive people that you can start doing today!

I am so confident that these will work for you that if you read now, I personally get behind your satisfaction with a Caress Anything Guarantee. If you are not satisfied, I will caress anything, guaranteed.

1
Talk politics.
One of the most important things I've learned over the years is when the cheery banter begins, you have the power to cut it off as soon as you wish. For example:
Person: "Wait, so you spilled vaseline on your hands?"
Other person: "Yeah, and that's when I dropped the watermelon on the grocery store floor!"
*all together* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You: Thanks a lot, Obama. Why don't you just deport Obamacare to Kenyan Muslims while you're at it???
2
Make like Mario and one-up.
Ever been in that awkward moment when the other person is all, "UGHHH, I was just sitting there at the red light and he rear-ended me out of nowhere!"
Carpe that sweet, sweet diem and reply, "Pfft that's nothing, last week I won the lottery while rear-ending a police mobile."
3
Chivalry is dead.
What? What's that? An orphan with their hands full approaching a closed door? THEY STILL HAVE HANDS.
4
In conversation, vocalize the thing you connect with least, and never EVER bring up the one or two things you value.
This is especially true in politics and religion. After all, humans were given minds in order to conflate personal preferences with Absolute Truth. Thanks a lot, Obama.
5
Complain about the problems with children these days, then call people names on Facebook.
Nothing says how connected we are with the realities of the next generation like being an example.
Also, waiting a few hours between the complaining and the Facebooking helps you forget you did the last thing.

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