Let me say this right up front: the Cobra Commander is in no way bitter that his show, 'G.I. Joe: Renegades,' was cancelled by the Hub Network and those silly, brain-damaged, sparkly ponies of 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' have just been greenlit for a third season. Not bitter. At all.

And it's not like I've contacted my one-time ally Megatron from 'Transformers: Prime' to coordinate a HISS Tank/Decepticon strike right to the heart of Ponyville (he's busy finishing the second season of his show and starting production on a fourth 'Transformers' movie with Michael Bay).

But that's not my point. I stumbled across a term last night that ruffled my scales: 'Brony.' What's a 'Brony' you ask? It's a freaking male fan 'My Little Pony.'


'Brony' is the unholy synthesis of 'bro' and 'pony.' Do you mean to tell me that there are full-grown adult males who willingly watch 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?' And they have a name for themselves? Do they gather? Is it a herd of internet Pony loving nerds?

The Commander is sickened.

Instead of watching 'G.I. Joe' with our guns, tanks, planes, weapons of war, hot assassin chicks, and moi, they've chosen to willingly hand over their manhood to a cartoon about ponies? Ponies! Plus I could totally take that Rainbow Dash pegasus and her 'Rainboom.' Watch me launch a tactical warhead into Ponyville and then we'll see the boom we get.

The Commander needs a drink. Where's Destro and his stupid chrome helmet? I need to see if my eye's twitching again.

*I should mention that 'G.I. Joe,' 'My Little Pony,' and 'Transformers' are all owned by Hasbro. Still not the point. A Brony?

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