How do we break into this list?  I can see the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone National Park, and the nation’s capital.  But how about Hells Canyon, Shoshone Falls, and Caldwell?  The last one is smaller than New York and Los Angeles, but can’t you see Kurt Russell starring in Escape from Caldwell?

The list includes New Orleans and Las Vegas.  I guess if your vacation goal is to contract gonorrhea, then those are fine places to spend a few days.

I know Idaho is considered the epitome of flyover country, but for people just driving through there must be some awe.  The state has grassland, canyons, mountains, lakes, and deserts.  It’s the variety that makes us unique.  Vegas has casinos, washed-up comedians, and high temperatures that can fry eggs on streets.  New Orleans is filthy, awash in crime and you can’t understand a word those people say.

It’s surrounded by malarial swamps, nasty reptiles, and filled with people tied genetically to France.  I understand German tourists especially like the place because the locals throw in the towel during any confrontation.

Washington, D.C. has some pretty buildings and like Disney World, most are filled with people practicing black magic as they promise you the time of your life.

San Francisco has a big bridge, streets filled with feces, and a new slogan:  Hey, at least we’re not Oakland!

I guess the Florida coast is fine, but like New Orleans, every few years winds blow in off the ocean and knock down thousands of buildings.  Nobody would live there if it wasn’t for the sun and warmth…  O.K., I’ll back down on Florida.  It’s a lot like Idaho but without the snow, dust, and occasional earthquake.

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