Toys R Us Open for 87 Straight Hours Before Christmas

Last year I woke up at around 2:30 a.m. on December 23rd in a hot sweat, panicking, when I realized I had only purchased ONE set of Hot Wheels matchbox cars.  "Holy f#*&wads, I need TWO, but the STORE IS CLOSED!!"

Guess what: my prayers have been answered.  This year, Toys R Us will be open for 87 straight hours leading up to Christmas.  Thank God in the heavens above.

To thank the company, I'm writing an open letter to CEO Antonio Urcelay which you are welcome to sign:

Dear CEO Antonio Urcelay,

In a world where commercialism and corporate greed are overshadowed by Christmas, I am thankful for the courageous men and women who are willing to take a stand, and fight the good fight.  Toys R Us is setting an example that will not long be forgotten.

I sincerely hope you will continue this tradition.  Did you know that most Americans are unable to purchase play items during the graveyard shift?  We are enslaved by nighttime paralysis for some 6, 8, even 10 hours.  Some call it a privilege.  Some say it’s a necessity.  I call it sheer laziness.  Thanks a lot, Obamacare.

So I want to extend my sincerest gratitude to Toys R Us’ for its bravery -- nay -- heroism.  Thanks to your leadership, a real need is being met in the world.  Thank you for making your wares of joy available for triday and fift-hours prior to Christmas.  While many people will be forced to face the most undesirable aspects of American society like family, warmth, and memories, I will gladly be where our forefathers envisioned each of us standing during this most precious time of the year: behind my shopping cart, like a man.

I, and so many others, stand with you.  Let us not forget the real meaning of the season, and the reason we celebrate: Angry Birds Star Wars Legos.

Sincerely yours,
Boomer